Day 47 - And then what?

A Bible study lesson tonight was profound in a very practical way - dealing not only with my life-style diet, but with the evening's topic (fear) and really with my every day living.  The name of God for today is Palet - Deliverer... and the "coincidence" of the combination of tonight's name and the lesson on fear and deliverance touched me.  The Beth Moore study on Esther was focusing on the probable fears when Esther was faced with a choice to present her need to the king and face possible death for her, or not go before the king and face certain death for her, her father's family and all Jewish families of Persia.  The lesson was to face our greatest fears - to name the fear and say if ___ (whatever our greatest fear) happens, then what.  Then take whatever filled in the blank then what______ and ask again then what, and fill in that blank. The exercise was repeated a half a dozen times, until the then what came to the conclusion I always get to eventually of wrestling with and then crying out to God for deliverance and God - Palet - would deliver me - whether or not the fear happened.  God is faithful no matter what happens.  Often my faith is conditional - I will believe or obey if God will only not let that fear happen. That very profound rehearsal caused many of us to realize how much we live in fear of what if and then what.

Applying that to my behavior regarding eating was tested shortly after I arrived home from the study, as I hadn't had my evening meal.  I am participating in a coaching session and eager to begin adding the healthy ingredients recommended, so I examined the refrigerator to see what I had to finish before  tomorrow.  Vegetables and ground chicken were planned for dinner, but I also pulled out a few pieces of not-very-interesting pizza, a half bowl of wilted fruit, and a yogurt-berry compote.  I had all I could do to finish the dinner, and reached over to grab the pizza when my "conscience angel" and I had this conversation: why are you going to eat that... well to 'finish' it...and then what?....

I could see where this was going and already knew the answer:  I will feel too-full and almost sick.  I looked at the fruit and again asked then what...and then I will be filled with regret, wish I hadn't done it and ask forgiveness and start over a pound heavier...  and, so, tell me again, why were you going to eat that?'   I got up and threw out the wilted fruit and pizza and replaced the compote for tomorrow.

Many people might not understand that struggle - but for some reason I feel I am the disposal system for all abundance in the refrigerator, and the enemy is content to keep filling my mind with the thought that the fear of "wasting" food (often in no condition to be eaten) is more important than my health.   I am learning it is not. It is a lie that I should even consider eating beyond health and comfort just so I will make use of every scrap.  Another little - no that's not true - it is a very large victory for me.

Breakfast:  Oatmeal topped with lactose free frozen ice cream and raspberries
Lunch:  Abundance of whitefish and vegetables from Sunday and remaining cream of asparagus soup

Dinner:  Cauliflower 'mashed potatoes' (head of cauliflower and one small potato cooked together), ground chicken and onions, lemon-olive oil and Young Living blended spice.