Day 92 - Roi

Roi is a family name in my history on my paternal grandmother's side. I know it often translates King from their French.  I've been delving into family history today and in one of my devotionals "Praying the Names of God" by Ann Spangler, my eye caught the same spelling in Hebrew and a different meaning - Yahweh Roi - The Lord is My Shepherd.  Roi in Hebrew actually translates shepherd, keeper, one who tends.  I haven't heard that word, tend, used as much as, say, in my teens, when I'd be asked to 'tend' a baby.  Webster's dictionary defines tending as "to apply oneself to the care of : watch over".  That is more than just watch, as I sometimes did while 'babysitting'... watch, sure - while on the phone, reading a book, or also watching TV.  I have to admit this mini study puts my history of tending to shame, and gives new meaning to applying oneself to caring for someone else.  Like my shepherd "applied himself" to caring for me.

I cannot apply myself with that intensity or dedication - not of myself I can't.  I'd like to say, I'd hope I would, but I know there is only hope in looking in this mirror straight on and admitting I can't. It is impossible.  And that's ok. I've struggled with disappointment in myself because I am less than I want to be. I've wept because I felt I was less than others needed. Yet, as I review a recent time of battle in light of this verse, I realize that perhaps once again my heart has longed to leap spiritual barriers and be the keeper, the fixer and realize that means ursurping the Shepherd's role.  It reminds me of the story of Cain.  After Cain had murdered his brother Abel, God asked him where his brother was. Cain answered, “I know not; am I my brother's keeper?"  Obviously not. What an ironic answer.  Does this mean I am to be a keeper - a good Samaritan or keep the commandment to 'love thy neighbor as thyself'?   What if I have looked in the mirror of the commandments (the law) and found evidence to convict myself of despicable possibilities? How then, can I love? Well, because I love myself, I look for redemption.  When I recognize redemption, I latch onto it like a drowning man to a life preserver.

What a coop if the enemy can sway me to believe, after redemption in my King,  my Keeper, My Lord and My Shepherd that I must continue to fight, or keep, or tend, in my own strength. It cannot be done. That is when I want to lie down and weep and give up. When I am renewed by His Words and Power, on the other hand, I can face the battle as the messenger of the Victor.  Feeling pretty silly, I'll admit, to realize I've gone into battle fully outfitted with blazing guns, and realize everyone has gone home - the battle was already over, and I was fighting shadows.

Aha! The struggle comes when I face the battle as the defender instead of the defended.  Yahweh Roi is the only defender and He has already fought and won my battles.  Every one. Oh blessed relief.

Good:  Spinach and Beef Taco Chips

Pretty but hard to eat:  English cucumbers, sliced long, rolled and filled with Greek Cheese spread.  Might be better to remove the seeds from the cucumber, fill with spread, and slice. Maybe I'll do that next time. 

Best:  Terrapin Ridge Lime Coconut Dessert Squeeze as sauce for a piece of Eli's plain cheesecake. I shared the cheesecake, but not the sauce :)  Can't say that I noticed before how the strawberries slice into heart shapes.